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Okay, y'all, I have a confession.

I have a problem with compulsive spending. Not something I'm proud of. I didn't really realize I had a problem until years later. Luckily this hasn't bankrupted me or put me in a bad position, but I was literally pulling out of my savings in order to support this habit I have. It wasn't until I got out of my last relationship did I really need to admit this about myself and recognize the problem.

My "aha" moment was when I was talking to my friend about my spending habits. My friend, who also has ADHD, recognized the root of my problem instantly: My ADHD was fueling my spending sprees. The reason they're related is because when you have ADHD, you lack the ability to make dopamine normally compared to someone without ADHD. You rely on "dopamine hits" in order to survive and experience happiness frequently. This is why an ADHD person may focus on hyperfixations instead of doing things that need to be done that they don't find interesting, such as chores around the house. It's not that they don't want to or don't recognize that they need to do these things, it's just that it doesn't produce dopamine, so they are less likely to want to do these things.

This is also why a lot of ADHD people form addictions such as using drugs or alchohalism. For me, my drug of choice was impulsive spending on things that I wanted as opposed to what I needed. I've been aware of my spending habits for about a month now. I had a two week streak, but ended up relapsing. Now I'm on a six day spending-free spree. I'm really proud of myself!!

Part of the reason I relapsed was becauase I was feuling my makeup hyperfixation. I convinced myself I needed a neutral eyeshadow pallet even though I had budgeted for my first eyeshadow pallet, which was a more colorful one. It was like an itch I couldn't scratch. Even though I had decided on a budget for my new pallet (and stuck to it!), it doesn't erase the fact that I spontaniously wanted it.

My Spending Guidelines

These are the guidelines I have for myself so that I can define what "impulsive spending" means to me. If you have realized you're in the same boat, then this may help you, too. This only applies to things that I want, not need.

• Before I even consider spending anything, I need to look at my bank account. The more you look at your bank account, the more you're aware of how much money you have. Impulsive spending, in my experience, relies on you being money blind. The more you are familiar with how much you have, the more you're likely to buy more responsibly.

• If I want something that is over 15 dollars, I need to put it on a list. If, after three days, I find that I still want it, then I need to budget it into my two week paycheck period. I then need to schedule when I will buy it within that period.
• If I want something that is under 15 dollars, I have to schedule it at least one day in advance before I actually buy it. This is to prevent day-of impulsive spending.
• I will pay all my bills and other essentials before I spend any money on things that I want.
• Unless I need them for essentials or any planned wants, I must not spend any of my cash. I will put it in my physical opaque piggy bank so that I do not use it or have the opportunity to. When my piggy bank is filled, it will go directly to savings. This works because ADHD comes with limited object permanence, so if it's out of sight, it's out of mind.

The reason this only applies to wants and not essentials is because I have no trouble paying for things I need to, such as rent and groceries. Bills are bills, I need to pay them to survive. I don't really have a budget for groceries. This is only because I have a pretty good grasp on how healthy I can eat with my disabilities, so I can trust that I won't be spending my money on wants, such as sweets and snacks.

Find Hobbies

I cannot express to you have engaging with my hobbies has helped me to be a better spender. I was treating spending money as a hobby because I was using boredom as well to fuel my addiction. It's a bad place to be all around. But when I got more engaged with my hobbies, I realized there's a lot I can do without spending money. That's why I got into writing, and why I ultimately wanted to come back to Neocities. Both of these things occupy a big portion of my free time, and they don't cost me a thing!

If you find yourself in the same boat, I encourage you to find hobbies that don't require money. Like reading! Libraries exist. Writing! You can either type on your laptop or get a pen and paper. Drawing! If you have a pen and paper, you can get started. Coding! If you already have a laptop, you can learn how to code. I'm sure there's a lot more examples that I can't think of right now, but you get the idea!

In conclusion

I could be budgeting even stricter if I needed to, but I'm pretty comfortable with where I'm at right now. I'm able to save money as opposed to ultimately relying on my savings to survive if I run out of money in my checking account. The goal though is to have an even stricter budget, but this works for me right now. If I go too hard too soon, I will fizzle out and undo all my financial progress.

I think I will be struggling with this for a while until it all becomes a habit for me. I"m not sure how long it'll take, but I know I'll get there!!